I didn’t expect it, but the sleep approach seems to be our first (likely of plenty) parenting disagreements. I’m trying to not let Daphne go more than an hour or two between naps, and will start putting her down at very early and mild sleep signs. But Jason thinks I’m just going to be spending all my time trying to put her to sleep. Of course, I feel like he usually tries to get her to sleep when she’s overtired, and hence it takes him longer. (Or, he gives her to me after she’s been up too long and I have to take 45 minutes to get her down.)
I’d feel more inclined to listen to what he has to say equally weighted if he did any reading/research on sleep in infants, or if he experimented more with putting her down as often as I do. But honestly, he just says “I don’t like this plan because I’m concerned you’ll be spending your whole day feeding her for 20 minutes, playing with her for 20 minutes, then trying to put her down for 90.” He neither offers an alternative approach nor takes into consideration the fact I’m not going to try to put her down for 90 minutes. (I think the longest I’ve taken so far is 50. That was unusual.)
I really wish he’d read some of the books I got which I asked him to read two weeks ago, but I think that’s just another sign of our parenting approaches – he’s much more “go with whatever”, including not really asking people with more experience (anyone with a kid!) about their journey through this (or other) issues. He seems to think what we have is working well enough, and with both of us sleep deprived and cranky, it’s taking more effort that usual to remember to “argue” productively and nicely. Oh, I know we’ll figure it out, but it’s definitely a frustrating process.
The sleep project is going. With the two of us not on the same page, it’s hard to get a good feel for how well it’s working, and the heat wave we recently had didn’t make it any easier for Daphne to sleep. I do think that her getting more sleep has been helping, but I don’t think she’s really going to be a 15hr/day three month old. Perhaps 13.5 or so. My intuition is that she’s got a pattern (schedule, if you will) that fits her best. Neither of us want to parent on a schedule, but she seems to do best on days that follow a similar schedule. Now that I’m living it, I understand why parents put their babies on schedules. I’m not prepared to go that far, and I certainly don’t think Jason is, but I’m going to see if we can encourage something that is loosely similar day to day.
We are, though, getting more smiles, and some vocal laughing. She’s not able to reach things yet, and has just taken to staring at her feet, but she’s got almost a completely stable head when she holds it up. Oh, she gets tired and it droops, but she’s not a bobble head any more.