Bite my tongue when I mention “settling in”; it almost begs for something to go wrong. I’m not one to normally be superstitious, but there are times when there’s just no way you want to risk something – and lengthy crying spurts from a baby is not something to gamble with!

Things are starting to turn a corner. It’s probably more from us learning what to do that much actually changing, but so be it. I’m still not able to get anything more than about two and a half hours of sleep at a time, but I have been able to get that long of a stretch of sleep usually at least once a day, and can make it to six or seven hours total sleep in a day (in three or four chunks), so I’m functional. It’s kind of like recharging your phone battery, though. You go for a while without getting a chance to charge it, then you plug it in, but you have to run off (with your phone) shortly there after, so you’re charging it for a few minutes, then using it, then charging it again. Not very good for a battery’s charge capacity, and leaves you, at least some days, with a dead phone. (And let’s keep in mind that in this analogy, a dead phone is the equivalent of not just sleep deprivation, but non-functional bitch version of sleep deprivation.)

We’ve definitely reduced Daphne’s discomfort. While the midwives noted at her appointment that three weeks is about when the digestive system starts “noticing the world” and tends to be a bit unhappy about things, they suggested things we’d be starting to try – burping (yeah, yeah… she never burped, and we didn’t take this seriously enough), probiotics (for her), feeding her a bit more upright (head above stomach), and wedging her up a bit more if she’s sleeping on her back. The combination of these things, along with improving our swaddling technique (Halo Sleepsack (light weight version), tucking the feet up so they’re crossed like she likes) and using a noise generator (set to the “ocean waves” setting) have been helping. That’s not to say she doesn’t have her fussy periods, or that there’s likelihood of her loss of “easy baby” status being reversed, but there’s distinct improvement.

Which gives me time to ponder the whole parenthood thing. She’s still not interactive, so it’s hard to really form a strong bond for me. As I was explaining to Jason, and he put it in the best words, I’ve got the instinct to love her, but not the emotion yet. And, given the sleep deprivation and extreme dependence, I’m ok with that state of affairs. It makes all the difference in the world that she actually smiles once in a while, now that her digestive system isn’t bothering her. Going two days without a smile out of her – even if it’s accidental and has no meaning behind it just yet – makes it harder to attach to her. But I’m not yet to the “I’m loving parenthood” phase. Perhaps it’s just still too overwhelming to make such decisions. And perhaps I’m just waiting out the 4th trimester, until she’s more person.

I do look forward to seeing her progress – gaining a surprising amount of head control, making more extended eye contact with us, and… well, that’s mostly it at the moment. I’m sure the first intentional smile will be wonderful. In the meantime, we continue to get by as we can.