Two and a half weeks since I last posted, and I hardly remember where we were then.  It’s amazing how life changes so imperceptibly slowly with a baby, until you look back only a few weeks, and things seem so different.

The weekend before last, Jason’s parents came up to visit.  I joked with him that, really, the purpose of the visit was for grandma to spend time with Daphne, and while I’m sure that she would have liked more time to spend with her, that’s what happened.  Jason and I took advantage of the help and had an actual date!  Not only do we not do the whole “date” thing all that much, we hadn’t gone out in over three months, given the whole baby thing.  Still, we’re predictable, and there was little question what we were going to do – sushi and a movie.  (Really, in the reverse order, which was perfect, because the theater wasn’t packed at all.)  We enjoyed Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, and then further enjoyed a larger quantity of sushi than I can remember eating.  Nom!

Daphne did well with the visit, not yet showing signs of separation anxiety, but I know it’s coming.  We were home so much that the grandparents didn’t really have to worry about trying to get her to sleep, but were able to enjoy her being awake.  I know Daphne loved the attention, and enjoyed getting to dance with grandpa, though it may be a few years before she’s really picking up the west coast swing steps.

At the same time that they were here, Daphne was hitting the second half of her growth spurt.  So far, she has a distinct growth spurt pattern – the first signs are that she starts mauling my nipples badly again.  It rather worried me at first, making me fearful of a nursing regression that would head us back on the path of more pumping when it’s become obvious that my boobs do not respond to the pump nearly as well as to her. But we rode it out, and after five or six days of the pain, she was back to her usual, tolerable, feeding.  I happened to have scheduled a visit to Lauren, the craniosacral therapist, that fell during this growth spurt, and she noted something that I am suspicious of causing her feeding regressions – she doesn’t grow symmetrically.  (That is, specifically in her case, the right and left sides of her head weren’t caught up to each other at the same size yet.)  It makes sense that we wouldn’t grow exactly the same on both sides even if we end up about the same.  But I think it means for her that she goes through a period of essentially relearning how to use her new size and shape during a growth spurt.  If you’ve ever tried walking again after having a cast on a foot for six weeks, you can understand how we sometimes have to relearn something we already “know” how to do.

The growth spurt has certainly ushered in the “four month wakeful period”, where she is far more interested in what’s going on in the world than eating or sleeping.  This has had the net effect of making nursing a pain in the butt.  (Figuratively, anyway.  Literally, it’s a pain in the boob.)  She’s too interested in looking around at anything bright and shiny, or noisy, or new, or not new, or that just exists.  So, the boob gets pulled around and she does a little less actual eating.  She makes up for this by not going “to bed” until 11pm or so, and then waking up every three to four hours to eat a real meal.  I understand this is totally normal, and given that she’s making at night for what she’s not eating during the day, I have no interest in trying to “sleep train” her to sleep through the night, but I look forward to her at least getting back to giving me something closer to five hours of sleep at a time, and to maybe going to bed sometime between 9pm and 10pm.  (I have a theory, that Jason is probably a little leery to test out, that she will go to sleep for the night better if BOTH of us are in bed.  Oh, he might have to come to bed before midnight now! :P)

Monday, Daphne had her first babysitter.  Tracy is going to watch Daphne approximately once a week to help me get to the yoga classes I need to take for my next teacher training session.  This Monday was a dry run, with me not yet going to a yoga class, and being around the first half of the time, and not very far away doing a bit of shopping the second half.  Fortunately, Daphne ate just before Tracy arrived, so that was convenient.  As Tracy and I talked about Daphne’s routines and I showed her around (the cloth diapers are always a tough one), Daphne got to know Tracy and generally charm her way into Tracy’s good graces.

As, expected, about an  hour after she ate, Daphne was showing signs for a nap, so I showed Tracy how we put Daphne down, but noted that if she comes up with something that works better for the two of them, that’s totally fine!  So she gave it a go, and I was surprised when she came out of the bedroom relatively quickly (10, 15 minutes?), and not so surprised when Daphne started crying 15 minutes later.  Fortunately, this gave the prompting to talk about whether or not we’re doing “cry it out” (which we’re not), and whether to go in to her.  (I take a minute or two to gauge her cry.  10% of the time, it’s a single vocalization or two before going back to sleep, and I try not to disturb her for those.  The rest of the time, it’s that she wants someone with her, and I am happy to do so.  (I’m not knocking cry it out – if it works for you, great.  I’m opting to parent a different way, and, while it is fairly demanding on my time, it is generally working for us.)

I did my best “back-off mommy” attempts, and let Tracy handle it.  She ended up getting her up, which sometimes happens despite the best efforts, so it wasn’t surprising when I got home from the errands I was running that, three hours after first waking up, she was overtired and now just getting hungry.  It was the first time in quite a while that I had heard a really intense cry from Daphne, and I think she had gotten so overtired and hungry that she didn’t know what to do with herself.  Fortunately, that’s exactly what boobs are for.

In general news, she is having a great time playing with a few toys she has around.  She particularly enjoys Mr. Wuffles, the toy links that Jen got her, and her O’ball.  But her hands are a pretty fun toy too.  She is learning more about her feet, and can touch them when she sits and leans over.  She often tilts over in that position too, but I have no idea what that’s teaching her, other than gravity.  She’s started doing what I think of as babbling.  She has no consonants yet, but will string together, for at least a full minute, whatever sounds she can make, complete with varied intonation, just like she’s trying to tell you a story.  It is quite cute.  She has also decided that, though she can’t do it on her own yet, sitting is so last month, so whenever you try to pull her to a sitting position, she plants her heels and tries to stand up instead.  She can hold virtually all of her weight on her legs, though she does a whole lot of booty shaking in the process.

In the few months since Daphne’s birth, I’ve heard the term “infant/mother dyad” a couple of times.  Basically, the idea that mom and baby are really just one unit for a while after birth.  The dictionary definition calls a dyad a pair, a set of two, but the colloquial use seems to imply more of a “two as one” sense.  Whatever the semantics, I get it now.

We often hear people talking about “the better half” in a marriage, or the whole “two become one” idea.  But that always seems silly to me.  Yes, in marriage, we’re a team.  We have some functionality that is as though we are one unit, but we are two whole individuals making up that one unit.  Like a team at work is a single unit, but made up of completely individual people.  And sure, in a good marriage, I think the unit that’s made up of two individuals is more than just the sum of those two individuals.  But we’re still individual.

In this mom/baby dyad thing, though, it feels different.  I feel like, on my own, I’m half of something.  It’s as though something is missing to make the unit complete if Daphne’s not with me.  It’s not necessarily a bad thing; it just is.  Like getting an apple pie without the crust – something’s missing, but it’s not bad.

I realized this yesterday during the first class in the yoga teacher training I’m starting.  I was away from Daphne for about four hours, while she was well cared for by Jason.  By the time the asana portion of class was over, I realized that I didn’t feel entirely there.  Not spacey, or absent minded, but as though, despite giving my all, I was only partially present.  And the other part was Daphne.  As though we are a single unit that can be split into two parts, but are still designed/intended as one unit.

That realization didn’t really change anything, but the extent of it is a little bit mind boggling.

This is the breastfeeding edition of the list of things they never tell you. There are just so many things, so many tips, so many hidden pieces of information – and misinformation – that it’s a miracle we can feed out babies in this day of unlimited virtual information, but little direct observation. I’ve got more lined up, and I’m sure they’ll keep coming as I learn them, but here’s the start.

Oh, sure, they tell you breastfeeding isn’t easy for everyone. Then they go on to talk about just making sure you have a good latch and hoping you aren’t someone who will have supply issues. There’s a whole cartload not being said there. I have to devote a list to it entirely.

a. True, ideopathic, low supply issues really are not common, and if you want a good supply, you have to build it.
What’s funny about this one is that they do tell you that breastfeeding is a supply and demand related. They don’t tell you that means you really do need to try nursing every two hours (start to start) from the moment the baby wakes up from the first long sleep, and keep doing that for the two or three (exhausting) days until your milk comes in without skipping a single one. And just suck up the sleep loss. And just suck up the overwhelming frustration that is getting that brand newborn to stay awake and suck. And just suck up the pain that comes with you both learning (tears falling on the baby won’t hurt her, and may make you feel better). And keep doing it until she gets to a weight that your practitioner is happy with. The more stimulation, the better. Yeah, I know oversupply sucks and carries its own significant problems; they aren’t as bad as chronic low supply in the long run.

b. The baby can be the cause of low supply issues that you can’t solve just by putting him to breast more often.
If the little one can’t effectively remove milk from your breasts, you won’t make more. This requires working with specialists (and I don’t mean your pediatrician) to find out if there is a physiological issue, a neurologic issue, or a habitual issue. No book, no online forum, no friend-with-breastfeeding-experience will be able to “solve” your problem.

c. You can’t tell if your baby is getting too little milk just by watching/timing/listening to a feed.
They get creatively efficient, and don’t have the same “x ounces per day” requirements. There are differing opinions on whether they need an increasing amount as they grow (up to around 36oz per day) or if they eat around the same amount from one month to six months. Doesn’t really matter. The only thing that matters is that your baby is looking satisfied after eating, and is gaining weight “appropriately”. Basically, trust your instincts. If you’re not certain baby is getting enough to eat, he or she probably is, because you’d know if they weren’t. (This, of course, assumes that you have the opportunity to regularly observe your child through the day and once every week or two get to a baby weighing scale.)

d. Babies do not come knowing how to unlatch.
This one struck me as shocking. I mean, they have to know how to breastfeed, right? They have to have the reflex to suck, and they have the reflex to find the boob (which is really an amazing thing, by the way – they can push with their feet on mom’s belly and bob their head around until they find a nipple from the moment they’re born, if not efficiently, then at least effectively). But they don’t have the coordination and muscle control to voluntarily relax all of the right muscles when they recognize a full signal from their belly. (They won’t overeat, but they will spit a bunch of food back onto you!) At 11 weeks, Daphne is currently learning this one.

e. Baby’s know what they have to do, but they may not know how to do it.
If the fact that babies don’t know how to unlatch shocked me, this one was flabbergasting. But if you think about it, it’s not the most surprising thing in the world. There are a LOT of muscles involved in sucking. More so when you add swallowing. And then the tricky timing to add breathing in with the whole mix. It’s not easy! And the physical difficulty of a birth can leave a baby tired and, relatively, stiff as well, which can also affect feeding. So, if nursing isn’t going well, and you can’t figure out how to improve the latch, consider that it really is the baby’s fault, and they need some specialized help figuring it out correctly, instead of inventing a not-so-pleasant-to-mom way of feeding.

f. There is more than one kind of tongue tie.
While tongue ties aren’t all that common, they can wreak total havoc on breastfeeding. But, apparently, a lot of doctors don’t think so. Well, they are wrong. (And it’s not me saying this, it’s the occupational therapist, physical therapist, and MD that I’ve seen saying this, besides the lactation consultants and doulas and friends who’ve worked with the issue.) A tongue tie keeps the little one from effectively using their tongue, and if you can’t use your tongue well, you can’t suck well. Go ahead – try not extending your tongue at all on sucking on something. But not only is there the standard, short-frenulum, tongue tie. But also posterior tongue ties where the base of the tongue is tighter than average all the way at the back.

g. Pain between feeds is not normal – nipples should not look chaffed or be randomly quite hard.
Another “who knew!”. Pinkness, irritation, and hardness are all signs of mechanical irritation, and are not normal past the first few days, maybe week or two. Yes, there’s a lot of contact on the nipple, but it should not cause abrasive pain or damage. (Another who knew – you can use hydrocortizone ointment (NOT cream) to help heal chronic inflammation – but always talk to your doctor/pediatrician/etc. before thinking of doing this!)

h. It is possible to have circulatory issues at the breast – either inherent, or caused by mechanical trauma.
Called “Raynaud’s of the nipple” (or something like that), it’s possible to have vasospasm that causes a stabbing pain in the nipple AFTER nursing is over. It’s usually a delayed reaction (by at least 10 minutes) and often comes in waves (two or three times in a row, spaced out). Usually, the nipple blanches and turns a much lighter color, sometimes then turning either blue or purple before returning to a normal color. There are some things to do about this – work on any source of mechanical irritation, heat compresses after feeding, avoiding “dry wound care”, and medications if you want to try it. But it’s not normal.

i. Oversupply sucks too.
Oversupply itself can be fairly painful, and getting rid of it just takes time for your boobs to learn to make less. If you try to pump to relieve the pain, you are – to a small extent – exacerbating the problem, because you’re signalling for the production of more milk. And if you have an overactive letdown to go along with your oversupply (which isn’t uncommon), the little one can find that he or she needs to make some sort of adjustment to eating, or will gag/choke when they are firehosed with milk. This can even end up lactose overloading the little belly that gets lots of foremilk (higher in lactose) and fills up before being able to fill up on hindmilk (higher in fat). Various ways of changing nursing patterns can help this, but you’ve got to figure out it’s a problem to start with!

j. That advice about “both the chin and the nose should dimple the breast”? For most everyone, it’s bad advice. And, like most “how to” bits of advice, is overgeneralized to the point where maybe it is useful for you and maybe it isn’t.
Think about it – there’s a breast, with a lovely easy-access port of a nipple in front of you, and a baby’s head. (Let’s assume an infinitely cooperative baby’e head here, for the sake of the thought experiment, but keep in mind that it’s never the case that a baby’s head is even almost entirely cooperative. It’s got a brain of it’s own, and muscles it can’t quite control.) You want an asymmetric latch (more breast on the chin side of the nipple), you want a head that’s either neutral or slightly tilted up, you want the head symmetric from cheek to cheek on the breast, you want the nipple lined up somewhere between directly at the nose to towards the top lip (to encourage the head tilt and aim the nipple at the baby’s palate), and you want a big wide open mouth. Put all that together, and unless your baby has one heck of a schnoze, it’s not going to dimple your breast. If it does, something else has given. All the little tips for “place here, here, and here” are these lovely over-generalizations that don’t take into account breast size/shape/direction. (Yes, nipple direction is not a given!)

The “guide baby’s head onto the breast” advice doesn’t even half get at it.
Babies, as mentioned above, have minds of their own. They know they want the boob, but don’t have the coordination to get there nicely for a while, and don’t have the patience or awareness to let you get them to it. So, it’s more like, grab their head firmly with the tips of your fingers trying to reach for as much skull as possible, keep them from wrenching it out of place, and smoosh it into the boob as soon as the stars align. That’s a slight exaggeration on the forcefulness of the maneuver, but not as much as you might think. You’ve got to be prepared to make this thing happen regardless of the resistance. And nothing I’ve ever read prepared me for the sweat-inducing fight that it can be.

Three months in (almost) and I feel like I’m learning new things every day.  Perhaps one day this will be “easy-peasy”, but for now, not so much.  If only I had known some of these things in advance – and for that, I blame our societal, irrational, obsession with sexy breasts (as opposed to functional breasts). 🙂

The weekend had me quite productive. The dog got a bath, brush, and other miscellaneous grooming done. Much laundry was done (though it still in the process of being put up). Hiking was accomplished, and other things I don’t even remember – it just feels productive. Yesterday was no exception, and included our second hike-a-thon hike – the Snoqualmie Valley Trail, part of the King County Regional Trail System.

We picked up the trail at Rattlesnake Lake. While I look forward to the short trip up to Rattlesnake Ledge with her soon, I am not ready for that sort of elevation gain with her on me at the moment. So, to the flat, gravel trail instead. The Snoqualmie Valley Trail runs something like 36 miles, but we just did a short stretch a mile and a half out from the Rattlesnake Lake parking lot and then back. She was due for a nap during the walk, but mostly was unhappy or looking around. (I was unhappy at the mosquitoes, but they mostly left me alone.) It took a while for her to settle, but she eventually did, and used her special magic talents to fall asleep less than half a mile until we got back to the car. Sigh. But it was good to get out.

Neo always has a good time, and since I’ve got a bag of treats attached to the stroller, he’s generally pretty darn well behaved as well.

Time does indeed fly with a newborn. It seems like both yesterday, and a month ago, that I posted.  In those not one, not thirty, but only eight days since I last posted, she’s accomplished a lot and I’ve started making some distinct changes.

I forgot to put it in the blog, but she learned to roll over on her own. She’s only done it a handful of times, and doesn’t have a preference for which way, but seems to be a little surprised when it happens. We’re on our way to mobile!

Last Sunday, she learned to laugh out loud. It was really quite hilarious, and sounds the most amusing sort of odd. So far, she only does it in the Bjorn, bouncing on the ball, while we’re playing Dominion, but she thought about doing it on the changing table this morning. We’re on our way to communicating!

And the fourth time is a charm when it comes to introducing Daphne to hiking. I tried the slough – totally forgetting it’s mosquito season. She didn’t get a bite on her, but missed two naps due to bumpy paths and interesting sights, and I got eight bites and a not-well-behaving dog. I tried the arboretum, knowing that there wouldn’t be the mosquito problem, and the paths were smooth (one even paves), but again, she wouldn’t nap with all the interesting sights. I tried the carrier on a local trail off a main road, and was too annoyed by the over-excited puppy and the bugs to get anywhere. But today is the first day of Hike-a-thon (you know you want to sponsor us), and we went out with some friends for her first real hike. She enjoyed it, and despite missing a nap, was quite happy (even when woken up from falling asleep at the very end to be put in the car).

I continue to hope that she will learn to sleep in a stroller, as that will make the long walks on the regional trail system that I want to take much more enjoyable. But, for now, at least she’s just enjoying the view.

We had our (hopefully) last visit to the PT today.  It went well – Daphne’s cranium feels quite wonderful, apparently.  (Which, on a surface level, is a humorous statement. It’s more important than it “sounds”; the PT really meant that there doesn’t appear to be any restrictions on innervation through the body particularly based out of the skull.)  She did notice that one side of the mouth (think of the area down from the gums along the bottom of the mouth towards the tongue) was a little tight (the left side), and a little bit in the muscles right at the TMJ (from the inside, though, not the outside) and showed me how to work on that a little bit.  I continue to be hopeful, and Daphne thanked the PT by giving her the biggest smile/laugh that we’ve seen her do so far.

I’ve already noticed the hydrocortizone that the doc recommended helping.  Now I just have to remember to use it after she feeds each time.

In sleepy news, Daphne slept from 9pm to 5am last night.  She though about waking up around 2am, but went back to sleep with a bit of help.  Her naps yesterday were fairly awful, and I think she’s starting to be more aware of who is around, and knows that she wants me there when she wakes up.  Even with her current nap, she opened her eyes once, happy to look around, especially once she knew I was there.  I’m torn on whether this is a good thing or not.  Since I’m a stay at home mom, and have strong attachment parent leanings, I don’t feel that it’s vital for how we function day to day to sleep on her own and not be able to have me there when she wakes up.  There are arguments on both sides of the fence about whether or not that is “developmentally good for baby”, but there is validity to BOTH sides of the argument.  And it’s not like she gets picked up every time she wakes up – she’s starting to learn that she can stay laying in her cosleeper and go back to sleep.  Sometimes  it’s with a finger to suck on (I am starting to wish that she would take a pacifier these days), sometimes just a hand resting on her chest.

I realized the other day that, though we are constantly trying to figure out what’s not working with our approach to her sleep, it works about 80% of the time.  When she goes down for sleep 6 to 7 times a day, however, that means we have to expect at least one failure a day.  I definitely feel a lot better about it now.  On the other hand, I think we need to start separating our “nap routine” from our “bedtime routine”, since she is clearly continuing to work on how to get a single long stretch of sleep in.

In her attempts to do that this morning, Daphne went 8.5hrs between feeds, so I had rather a lot tanked up for her when she woke up, smacking her lips, to eat.  And eat she did.  Vigorously.  Eventually, she popped herself off the second side at what felt like half way through.  She used to sometimes take too much, and I’m hopeful that her learning to unlatch herself will help reduce that.  And it might, if she’d not eat so fast that she doesn’t know that she’s full – or overfull.  Approximately 20 minutes later, she spat up a large volume of milk.  Followed by two repeat performances over the next 30 minutes.  She wasn’t bothered by any of this in the list (well, a little annoyed at the changing of the clothing for the second time in the morning), but it was a surprising amount to me!  The last time was even as she was drifting off, her eyes closed as I held her in my arms.  Up came a wave of milk, her eyes barely fluttering open, and then resting gently shut as I felt my shirt getting soggier and soggier.  It was really quite funny, and is why I’m not worried about it.  I figure, if I know that I can get nearly nine ounces out of these boobs after eight hours without any draining, and she generally only takes four or five ounces of pumped milk, it’s fair that she’s going to throw two or three ounces back at me if she tries to scarf down two full morning boobs.

In play news, she’s been enjoying the kick and play a friend got us.  We’re not sure if she likes the lights, the music, or just the kicking, because we  do know that she likes kicking!  She’s working her way to growing out of most of her 0-3month clothing (and she’ll be three months old in 10 days), but still is working on the reaching out to things.  Well, reaching out to grab anything that isn’t my hair or my shirt is still being worked on.  Those two items are apparently easy-peasy.

I have a new carrier that I’m trying out, a Catbird Pikkolo.  I am enjoying it, and I think she is too.  Generally, Daphne has been opposed to facing in towards me in a front carrier.  (Never mind the “wait until they’re three months old” thing.  After talking to the midwives about it, we went with when she had decent head control.  She had that after a few weeks.)  It’s a soft structured carrier, similar to a BabyBjorn, but has both a waist belt and wider shoulder straps, which mean I can carry her far more comfortably in it than in the Bjorn.  I am still working on getting her out of it without waking her up, but at least it has a little extra space at the top for her to have a bit of support if she falls asleep in it.  And she was willing to face inwards in it yesterday when we walked to the fruit stand.  I think part of the reason she’ll accept that position in this carrier, but not the K’Tan or Moby is that it has her leaning back from me just a little bit, so she has ample space to look around, rather than just at my chest.  She’s not happy about trying to sleep in it, resting her head on my chest, just yet, however.  She tried, but it was too tempting to rub her eyes on my and then look back out.

Next week, she gets her first “hike” on our local county trail system.  I am quite excited, as well as quite nervous about how hiking with her is going to impact her naps.  But, I feel like we’ve got to start trying now, or we never will!

Daphne and I puttered through traffic to see the MD who specializes in breastfeeding medicine.  Fortunately, Daphne was good and hungry when we arrived.  Unfortunately, the doctor was a bit late.  She was quite nice, however, and we got started off right away with nursing on the first side.  She had a number of suggestions for positioning, and we implemented one or two and then waited for the other side to do the rest, which included letting go of my trust MyBreastFriend pillow.   Ugh!  It was like taking training wheels off your bike when you were a kid – you were fine, but it was nerve wracking!  In the end, I must say, I HATE the learning of the logistics of breastfeeding.  Do this, not that.  No this, not that.  No, no, this other thing, not that one.  BLAH!  While I can accept that this is a case where the internet is far less helpful than it should be (and even spreads misinformation), I have the experts telling me different things, and that gets annoying!  But the doctor today reminded me of the most important thing – keep trying these different suggestions, and find out what works for us.  Did someone say that earlier on in the process?  Sure.  Probably many people, but now that I’m more experienced at what works and what doesn’t, it’s actually something I’m capable of listening to.  But not using the prop and having her so slanted and slightly facing up seems so precarious.  I think, like learning to ride a bike without training wheels, we’ve just got to practice.

She did before/after weighings, and Daphne ate 2.5oz on the right and 1.5oz on the left – and both sides, but moreso the left, were less than stellar feedings since we were in a new place (new shiny objects!) and she was already fussy and overtired.  So, four ounces at an ok feeding is great!  (FYI, she’s just about 12lbs at this point, up from 11lb 6oz two weeks ago.)  And she suggested continuing to do breast compression when Daphne stops taking eating very seriously, and to continue limiting her time at the breast.  Being an attachment parenting person at heart (tempered by much, much realism), the idea of doing this bothers me on some level, but it does seem to work best – for both of us, really – if the breast is mostly about feeding, and not fluttering at for half an hour a side.  I’m glad that I can fairly easily tell when she’s actually eating, so that the time I limit is the random snooze-sucking (and if that isn’t a word, it should be one) and not productive eating.  She also mentioned going back and forth from side to side if Daphne is getting too fussy about the slower flow at the end of a feeding.  While she’s off of one boob, it “repackages” (the doc’s words) the milk still in there so that it will flow at a faster rate when she comes back to it.  (Daphne has a habit of head turning and other unpleasant boob-manipulations (another word that should exist) when the flow rate gets low, so we think.)

To continue the rambling account of this appointment, she then checked on my nipples.  She could immediately see the irritation (they look chaffed) and that there was still a bit of compression (though, really, it’s MUCH better than it used to be, so my standards are somewhat low!).  She couldn’t identify any blanching, but around 10 minutes of chatting later, when I noted that I was getting the “something is stabbing my nipple” pain, she looked and sure enough, it was blanched.  So, she definitely believes that there is some vasoconstriction going on.  While this isn’t true Raynaud’s, which is an autoimmune condition, it’s similar in manifestation.  Sometime between 10 and 30 minutes after feeding, I’ll get waves (often 10 minutes apart) of a stabbing and then burning sensation right in the nipple.  Definitely a different sensation than let down (though I also find letdown to be a burning type of sensation, and it took a few weeks to be able to differentiate the sensations), it’s apparently classic vasoconstriction symptoms.

What I had been doing – warm compresses (really, a warm buckwheat pillow) over the nipples after feeding – is definitely something I should keep doing as it helps maintain blood flow.  She also suggested making sure to NOT let the nipples air dry (moist healing being more effective), and try to use something like oil to keep them from drying out and from sticking to my bra or nursing bra pad.  (Yet another thing I didn’t know – the nipple should not stick to the bra and have to be peeled off!  And that the nipples are NOT supposed to be hard after feeding!  Who knew!)  So, I’ll try to keep my lanolin/st.john’s wort mix handy, and maybe a little tiny vial of olive oil.  (Another newborn use of olive oil!  It can do everything!)  She also suggested that I try an OTC hydrocortizone ointment to reduce the inflammation in the irritated (traumatized) nipples.  In theory, reducing the irritation that Daphne is causing every time she feeds should help reduce the vasospasm (since it appears to be induced by the damage to the tissue), so we need to keep working on good latch and good function, but treating the inflammation in the meantime is important too.

I feel good coming out of that appointment that we can continue to improve the situation.  I’m not quite hopeful enough that we’ll get to the “she can breastfeed as long as she wants” stage, but I’m definitely feeling more confident that we can keep going for at least a year.  Heck, we’re nearly 25% done with a year already!  (Crazy!)  Hopefully, the PT will be able to help us continue improving the symmetry of Daphne’s feed, which the doc noted was something that could still use improvement.

On the way home, I opted to stop at a store in the  area and look at another carrier.  Jason was a bit less than enthused by me trying another one, but I really want something I can carry her for longer times in and let her fall asleep and still have support for her head while facing out.  (I do plan to attempt to “moby train” her, to borrow that other mom’s phrase, to be accepting of facing inward, but I know that it will not be a permanent solution.)  Baby carriers are expensive, though, so I can understand his reticence.  (I’m opting not to do a 300-hr yoga teacher training this year, since working it around her would be challenging, so I’m using a little bit of the money I’m saving there for other things. 🙂 )  Fortunately, there is a return policy at the store in case he really really hates it and I don’t love it.

And, finally, with all that going on today, Little Miss Daphne had some horrid napping, so I allotted extra time to getting a good nap in for her.  After she ate, I swaddled her up, held her in the rocker, and gave her a pinky finger to suck on (human fingers >> pacifiers, still).  She got to the first asleep stage, and I went to put her in the bouncer she often sleeps in, but she woke up and was less than pleased, doing more abdominal scrunching, like she had been.  Sensing that she was continuing to change her sleep habits, I put her down on the bed (cleared of poofiness) still swaddled, squished a pillow along her side (below head level) and myself along the other, with a leg draped (gently) over hers.  I gave her back the finger, hummed at her, and she feel asleep, on her back, on the bed.  (And has been there nearly two hours.)  I think we’ve moved on to another stage in the sleep game.  Now, will she do this on her mattress, and not our memory foam mattress?  (Though, we have the option of buying a memory foam mattress in “portable crib size” for the cosleeper, if we want.)

In the next few days, look forward to a not-totally-baby-centered post, as Hike-a-thon is just around the corner!

Jason, Daphne, and I went to a BBQ for a bunch of doulas, preggos, and new families.  Think of it as a big reunion type of thing.  Of course, the only person I know coming into it was my doula, but everyone was very friendly, there were all kinds of cute kids (and babies as young as five weeks), and there was good food to share.  I was worried about heading out when Daphne won’t nap anywhere that’s not at home, but Jason noted that if I let her naps rule my whole day, I won’t get out anywhere.  So, we left for the BBQ around the time she was going to nap, so she could sleep in the car, and left the BBQ about two hours after we got there.  It didn’t get her naps as long as she would normally take, and kept her up a little longer in between, but it sufficed.  And we were still able to stop for an errand (more swaddle blankets and some Whole Foods specialties) on the way home.

Seeing the range of babies and little kids was fun – things I get to look forward to as Daphne gets older.  One of the little girls gave Jason a branch that had fallen off a tree, and told him it was an umbrella (which worked for both the sun AND the rain), and he did a great job pretending it was just that.  I look forward to see him in imaginative play with Daphne (though he might get tired of dressing up in hats and having tea parties where you must stick out your little pinky :P) There was an eight month old trying to crawl (but mostly just pushing herself up into down dog!).  And lots of cute babies.  (Yes, of course, we think ours was the cutest.  But we’re not biased in any way. :P)

I look forward to being able to do more of that sort of thing – get outside, chat with people, be a part of a nice, family-fun atmosphere.  It’s easy to get a bit isolated when the bulk of friends you see most often and in the most similar situations are either not close by, or have conflicting schedules.  But my Tuesday yoga class is going to be over as of the end of the month, so that may help! 🙂

Yesterday, Daphne got to see the PT again.  She has been doing a fair amount better, but the PT noted that the right side of her tongue still feels tight (the muscles that connect it at the bottom, in particular).  That explains the sheering that I feel when she gets tired at the end of a feed.  We’ve got one more visit with her this coming Friday, and that may well be the end of it.  At the moment, Daphne has a reprieve on being taken off boob privileges.  Breastfeeding certainly isn’t comfortable, but it’s not painful as it was, and it’s tolerable for the foreseeable future.  But she’s on probation – no promises to her!

Also, though I have no pictures of it, and only Jason to back me up, Daphne rolled from her tummy to her back yesterday evening.  Just once. And wouldn’t do it again today, and probably not again for a couple weeks.  But it was quite impressive and seemed to catch her off guard.  She’s also learning to put more weight on her feet/legs, and particularly enjoys doing so as she is in the Baby Bjorn (facing out, of course!) and I bounce on the ball with my legs out of the way so she can stand on the ball.  (One of the moms at the BBQ noted that she had to train her baby to face inward in her carrier and deal with it.  I may give that a try with Daphne.)

This week, I may try to get to a yoga class that I haven’t been to in ages, I’ll be seeing the MD in Seattle who specializes in breastfeeding and see if there is anything on my end that’s contributing to the pain, have the followup with the PT, and another Mom’s Group meeting.  I’m looking forward to it, and hope to get a chance to visit with people more as I feel we’re in a position to start regularly emerging from the world.  I’m happy to have been a bit insular so far, and don’t plan to go become a social butterfly with baby in tow, but I think we’re ready for a gentle shift.

Daphne saw the craniosacral therapy person yesterday, on the recommendation of my midwives and my gut feeling.  She was very nice, and Daphne was good for her, for the most part until she got tired and cranky.  The adjustments she makes are so incredibly subtle that you can’t see anything occurring at all, but having had craniosacral massage myself, I know that you feel a difference afterwards.

Our goals – mine, really – going in to it was to see if we could do anything about the breastfeeding, help her digestive system, and possibly help her nervous system allow her to sleep better.  The CST didn’t feel she had a particularly high palate (which, four weeks after the OT saw her, may simply be how it’s changed over time – it apparently forms very late in gestation, and is significantly modified when the head is compressed during the birthing process), but did think it was angled a bit oddly.  So, with very gentle pressure on the palate, and very gentle traction on the back of the head to provide more space for the two sides of the palate to return to a more natural position, she was able to work on our first goal. On the second goal, she didn’t notice a whole lot going on, digestively, but was able to free some restriction in her mid-back area (behind the stomach). On the third, it’s a lot of seeing how she integrates the adjustments over the next few days and weeks.  We’ll see the CST for a followup in about a month.

The breastfeeding has been going alright.  She had two or three days where she was doing it badly again, but has gotten back to a four on the pain scale, down from seven or eight.  With a four, I won’t cut her off from direct boob access at three months.  But, with a four, I may change my plans of breastfeeding as long as she wants, and consider making an effort at weaning around a year of age.  I’m a little sad about that, because I fully support “extended” breastfeeding (and find it ridiculous that we consider breastfeeding until 2 years terribly long and weird when that’s the WHO recommendation, and many cultures breastfeed much longer), and had hoped to have the opportunity.  But I am constantly reminded of, and thankful for, the advice my midwife gave us: “What gets the most needs met of the most people in the family is the right way to go.”

Sleeping is also improving.  Not certainly what I’d like just yet, but since we’re being relatively vigilant about trying to get her down when she starts getting sleepy, it is usually only taking 10 to 20 minutes to get her down (asleep enough to be put down in a bouncer to sleep – haven’t braved down bare in the cosleeper/playard yet).  Sometimes we miss a nap opportunity in the day, and it shows in her behavior.  But I try incredibly hard to not miss more than one, and not (again, when possible) have back to back days where she entirely misses a nap.

In milestone news, she still can’t really intentionally reach for anything, and you can just kind of tell that she’s trying.  But she has ridiculous head control – unless she’s tired, it stays still.  She loves sitting (holding on to her arms and she wavers in a sitting position), and loves trying to stand (which, I know, is ridiculous for a 10 week old, but it entertains her).  She can lift her head and shoulders off the ground from her tummy (but hates tummy time), but doesn’t recognize her own hands or feet yet. She’ll track some objects, but not all that often, and usually a face but not anything smaller.  She makes one syllable noises, and sometimes attempts two syllables, but doesn’t vocalize a whole lot. She is starting to laugh out loud occasionally (still rare), and definitely makes verbal responses to input.  She’s also trying to blow bubbles, on occasion.  She’s rolled from back to side once, but I haven’t seen that, or tummy to side, since that one time.  Totally normal development, as far as I can tell. 🙂