We’re headed back to the OT today. While we had seen a little bit of progress, and while I had stopped doing all the exercises (except the chin counter-pressure) while she was having her incredible gassy/fussy/crying/wailing spell, she should be farther along towards not causing mommy extreme pain than she is. I’m still in the “I dread feeding her, because it’s going to hurt like hell during, and for at least an hour afterwards – then it starts all over again an hour after that” phase, which is really depressing. (It’s always tricky using that word to describe anything postpartum, because I don’t want anyone to jump to the PPD assumption, because individual “things” can be depressing even if you aren’t depressed over all.) Jason and I were playing a card game on the dining table while Daphne spent some awake -quiet time in the swing, and I commented that when the feeding goes particularly badly over the span of a day or two, I get into a phase where I don’t really want to be around her (hey, she’s a reminder of lots of pain!) but when she’s quiet and in the swing, I want to take her out and hold her. Definitely feeling the attachment growing, but oh do we need to stop the bad feeding. And, so far, I continue to be too stubborn to go to exclusively pumping and bottle feeding. (Yes, some of it is my own self-expectations given the situation, but some of it is just the convenience factor of being able to pull out a boob and feed her, regardless of having the accoutrements available.)

In happier news, she has come to love the changing table. I was told this was likely to happen, but it’s really humorous to see. She’s getting a little less pissed off about having to fart, but she still gets “fussy” – but it’s just a very active sort of thing with arms flailing around and legs kicking and her squirming and being variable. But she’ll smile a fair bit during it, so last night, trying to get her to poop without a diaper on (oh, I do love having prefolds I can lay everywhere), we spent 40 minutes “playing” on the changing table. Ok, most of it was me cheering on a poop, but hey, that’s what moms of newborns do.

And in other, other news, tomorrow I start teaching yoga again. First class is at home at night; keep your fingers crossed that she doesn’t start screaming. Then six in the morning Wednesday, where I hope she feeds at a convenient time. Then Wednesday night at home again. Whew. I hope we get lucky with her behavior!