She’s been crying for … 24 hours? Sure, not non-stop; she has to eat sometime, and she’s had a couple of little 20 minute naps. But otherwise crying, calming down for a minute when I do something, then crying again. Bouncing her on an exercise ball was the only thing that worked, and it’s hard to do that for hours on end. Swaddling didn’t help for very long and only when combined with the swing (but I took what I could get), and I had no luck with the pacifier. I tried various holds, and so on. Her hunger cues were not terribly clear, but I made my best guesses, and she never seemed too hungry, but would cry as soon as she was done and moved an inch.

I’m definitely feeling at my wits end, and fortunately Jason worked a short day and came home and took her. He’s had more luck with the pacifier than I have, but I don’t know that it’s going to last. Yes, half an hour of quiet is good, but I want to find out what’s wrong. I hate to rely on a pacifier, and worry that it’s going to make the breastfeeding issues worse, but we have to use what we have to use.

I can’t begin to describe the soul-deadening despair that sets in when NOTHING you do can get you more than enough time to eat a piece of chicken. The OT exercises are out the window, the dietary changes are being implemented, the gripe water didn’t do anything, trying having her go naked didn’t do much (10 minutes of quiet once). She’s got a pediatrician appointment tomorrow, which, at 15 hours away, seems like an eternity, and I’ve got a call in to the midwives since Friday. I don’t feel like I’m going to go insane, but I do feel like the only way to get through the day is to just go numb and automaton my way through it. It gets the job done but I feel bad at what I’m not giving her.

“Colic” gets better by four months or so. Three months of this is some kind of inhumane punishment, and I’m hoping and praying that there is something that someone can do to help us.